mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
