theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
