My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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