It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
