Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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