He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
