that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
