what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
