Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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