But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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