I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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