I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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