dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
