His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
