Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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