So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
