Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
