all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Houston, we have a blender
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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