fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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