Whod you bang
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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