I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
