My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
