How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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