Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
