Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize