Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Best friends brother. Beat that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
