the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
