I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
