i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
