I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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