We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
