Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
