I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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