Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
