If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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