I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
