she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
