8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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