I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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