Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I won't apologize to a one balled man
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
