I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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