I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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