I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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