Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
