It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My life is pants optional.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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