sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
