Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
