Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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