Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
