Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
