My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize