There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
