angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
