She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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