my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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