Who did Billy Mays play for?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
