just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
