His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
