Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize