New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
