and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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