Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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