Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
