tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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