did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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