Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
