she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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