i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
