dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
