Only a mothe r could love this liver
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
my liver is dry heaving
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
