I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
