Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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