u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
