Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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