Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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