um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There r osticjed everywhere
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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