its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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