And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
