VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
