i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
did i just pee glitter
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
