What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Damn victory sex feels great
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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