If i come over, it means nothing
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
