i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
