He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
