THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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