____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
