so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
