Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have fence marks all over my body
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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