Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
