Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
